


Where do we go from here?

by angelskuuipo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Changing Tenses, GFY, Gen, Phil Needs a Hug, Stream of Consciousness, but it's kinda on purpose, general spoilers for CA::TWS, spoilers for ep 1.17 to 1.20
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 19:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1576916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelskuuipo/pseuds/angelskuuipo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He needs a minute; just a minute to catch his breath, but that’s apparently asking too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where do we go from here?

**Author's Note:**

> After last Tuesday's ep (1.20- Nothing Personal) I’ve got a lot of Phil feels. I’ve got a lot of Skye feels, too, so I might be trying my hand at writing her as well. But this is all about Phil. Hopefully I’ve done him justice. And yes, my Phil swears in the privacy of his own head. I think he’s justified at the moment. Big thanks to Shanachie for the beta.  
> Written: May 2, 2014  
> Word Count: 570

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Maria called it a personal vendetta.

She’s goddamn right it’s personal. But it’s not a vendetta. Okay, it’s not completely a vendetta. Garrett has to be stopped and Phil and what’s left of his team are going to stop him.

He can’t even think about Ward right now.

Maria also said he should walk away when it’s over. Where exactly is he supposed to go? He’s dead to most of the world. And he’s pretty sure that even if Clint, Natasha, and the others do know he’s alive—because let’s face it, Tony Stark is a nosy little shit and he’d have had JARVIS digging for anything that could be of use—he’s honestly not sure if he’d be welcome among them.

And then there’s Audrey. He had his chance to come clean and he hadn’t. Why? Why had he let her continue to think he was dead? Because he’s a chicken shit, that’s why. His entire foundation has been knocked out from underneath him and he is clinging to his composure with his fingernails. If SHIELD is really gone, if the agency he’s given his loyalty to for a good chunk of his life is really the enemy he’s been fighting against? Where does that leave him? He’s Phil Coulson, Agent of SHIELD. If SHIELD doesn’t exist then who is he? What could he possibly offer someone as lovely and kind as Audrey Nathan? He has no idea and no time to figure it out right now.

Everything is in flux. His world is in chaos and he doesn’t know which way to turn. Fitz is looking to him to explain it all away. Simmons is starting to question why they’re bothering at all. Tripp…he wants to trust Tripp, but he doesn’t know the man and something about him just rubs him the wrong way. Maybe he’s transferring his guilt and anger for not recognizing that Garrett was a traitor onto Tripp, but he can’t help it. 

Then there’s Skye. He is so damn proud of her. 

He still can’t think about Ward.

He’s glad Melinda came back. They’re not back to good, but now that she’s here they can work on it. He could have done without ever knowing he oversaw the T.A.H.I.T.I. project, but he guesses that’s just too much to ask for now. With the state of his world at the moment maybe he should have seen that coming. It’s a cold comfort to know that he vehemently recommended the project be shut down. Nick listened to him as much as he usually did, and then to turn around and _use_ it on him after he’d laid out the problems? Phil wasn’t sure he could forgive him for that. What is so special about him that Nick would put him through that kind of hell?

He needs a minute; just a minute to catch his breath, but that’s apparently asking too much.

God, he wants a drink and to sleep for a week. But that’s not going to happen. There’s still work to be done and sanctioned or not, he’s going to do it. The world still needs saving and he is going to do his part.

As for what comes after that? He hasn’t got a fucking clue.

It’s a novel position to be in and he’s pretty sure he doesn’t like it, but he’s still Phil Coulson and he’ll deal. That’s what he does.

-30-


End file.
